“positive sandwich” for Why are killing sprees increasing
Dear Pete,
We thought that you did an excellent job connecting to the audience. Your clear thesis and easy to follow writing style facilitated our understanding of your standpoints on the presented issue.
In order to improve the validity of your argument, it would be helpful to include other sources in your argument. You used only yourself and the New York Times as sources, and this comes across as you trying to overgeneralize a narrow source of information rather than trying to prove a point. More credible sources would strengthen your argument considerably.
Great job using rhetoric in your argument. Both your presentation of yourself as an authority and your appeal to the audience’s emotions helped to pull in readers.
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